sometimes people plan for their future. they plan for their happy endings. just to make them feel better about themself. ive been doing that since forever. always planning out every single thing i do in life, yet everything doesnt go my way. it always takes another route. i just dont know why this is happening. maybe it just faith that controls all of us. i didnt believe in faith, but maybe i should start now.

everyone thinks its destiny to meet someone, is it true? i do not know. a classmate and i have the same problem. but hers has nothing to do with mine. somehow we just feel the same way. all the anger, pain and hatred. its so hard as we inflict pain towards ourselves. the other day she showed me what she used to cut herself, it was a sharks tooth. i asked her to throw it away as it only makes u want to do it more, the next day she told me she did. amazing what little words can do. but thats for her, whats me? im still here, hearts almost done recovering but heck, i might just fall flat on my face again soon.

friends are such wonderful gifts. they come in a bunch, never alone. they would do anything u could ever wish for. but taking them for granted would just spoil any friendship. sigh. what am i talking about?

lately things have been going into my head. i've been lovestrucked, or have i? i dont know. everything around me just pulls me. its bad but what the hell ... ive got to handle everything by myself now. sigh. thats what growing up is all about. making money is not easy, that i can say for a fact and stand my ground on it.

lifes been ok to me lately ... no more suicidal thoughts. im still ok. holding on to myself as far as i know. =)

rick.